In The Darkest Hour

If you read my blog, Letters to Daniel, then you know I have bipolar disorder. What makes life functional is that I eat properly. Take meds according to a strict schedule. And get a good night's sleep.

NaNoWriMo wreaks all kinds of havoc on that. I like coffee anyway. Let's be honest I kind of abuse the stuff normally. Around NaNo time the only thing that I do correctly is take my meds. And even then, when I need the word count. I'll push my second dose ahead by a few hours so I don't get too sleepy to write. That coupled with an abhorrent abuse of caffeine and crummy sleep on a lousy mattress daybed that's 30 years old and falling apart is recipe for potential disaster.

On the plus side I have all the confidence in the world that Bella Morte:Beginnings will reach it's intended mark of 70K. I'm 2500+ words from the halfway mark. I remember when I ran a marathon yes folks this 297lb lady at one point lost enough weight and trained properly for a 26.2 mile footrace. Why? Because I'd always wanted too. The shorter distances of track and field were flashier more marquee events. But it was the marathon that both marked the beginning and ending of the Olympic Ceremonies. Hence my struggle to write a 70K novel.

I've written 60K. And I tried everything I could to get around having to have that many words in order to submit to Intrigue Publishing. So I knew a longer novel was in me. I just didn't know how to do it. So through a process that started with a simple tarot card reading and an idea for a character Bella Morte was born. As you know I am now on the path to finishing that novel.

The dark hour I am referring to in the title of the post is not a crisis of faith of whether or not it's good enough for New York. Or even a literary agent. Or that I'm going to finish it. Because, you see, I've made my mind up and set a clear goal and 70K will happen. Probably sometime during the first week of December.

The darkest hour I face is in the fear of rejection. And this doesn't just have to do with the book Bella Morte, it speaks to the fact I just spent $260 in contest entry fees. These are not scams. Their film festivals and Script Pipeline First Look. And the judges are Benderspink and Paradigm.

For those not associated with the world of film and television these names mean nothing. But I'm old enough to remember when Benderspink took online queries. Let me put it this way. In my early twenties I sent out 500 query letters. Got 5 responses. All of them no.

Honestly, I'm a better query writer now. I'm pretty bad ass at it. More yeses than nos. And I have credentials that make for a desirable package. But still in my bedroom with my 4 foot pre-lit tree from Big Lots to my left and my crummy bed to my right the fear in this 38 year old woman's body is intense and choking. I want to send out the query letter now before I get cold feet. But when I do that I inevitably choke on the enormity of 70K and the book is lucky to reach a full 50K.

I struggle, I have an incredibly successful small press career. 9 books out across three publishers. 1 self-published. 3 Amazon Bestsellers. Awards. A home for Bella Morte should New York not pick it up. Bu the fact remains I want that. I want it badly. I want the television treatment to get picked up. I want to be a showrunner for it. (Head Writer for those not familiar with television series parlance).

It's a lot to want. And at 38 I wonder if New York and Hollywood are meant to happen. In Hollywood it's an old boys network. And Hollywood is all about relationships. I know in some ways it's just insecurity and the illness talking.

Bella Morte is good stuff. The treatment kicks ass. The pilot kicks ass. The book has been awesome to write. In my darkest I wonder if anyone will ever see it. Read it. Or care about it as much as I do. I know some people will say you have successful blogs and what not. And  don't get me wrong I am sooo grateful for everything I have been blessed with. Great friends. Great publishers. And I've met a lot of cool people I wouldn't have otherwise met but I know in the end I don't want to write in a vacuum.

It is often said a book is not complete until reader reads it. And a show/movie isn't done until people have either viewed it on television or paid to see it in a theater. Even though I sit in my darkest hour, I know all is not lost because the story has not left me. And the only thing stopping me from seeing if Paradigm wants my book or my television series based on it, is a click of the mouse.

Bella Morte Arrives!

I don't know else how to put it. Bella Morte the first draft was written in hot rush when I was probably manic as all get out. I didn't have a clear vision of what I wanted to do with the book let alone the 8 book series I'm slated to write under that title. In fact I just figured out what the full title for the first book should be. BELLA MORTE: BEGINNINGS.

Let me explain about the full evolution of this project. I went into briefly on Letters to Daniel but I'll explain a little more in detail here. I like having my tarot cards read A LOT. I like using them as a guide post. And it's nice to hear what I've been hearing. But here is the story Bella Morte, from inception of a book series to what has now come to include a television series treatment, a television pilot, and an 8 book series.

In April or May I forget when exactly Bertena Varney read my cards. The nature of the reading, what I was asking a lot it surrounded whether or not go small press or NY with my next series. I asked about another book Letters to Daniel, a memoir based off of a collection of letters from Letters to Daniel blog. And of course I asked about a screenplay that was in competition (which won, which the cards said I would). I asked what series I should take to NY. And she started spitting out information. She said a 4-8 book series about a tough girl who'd been through a lot. She said something about YA, and the first draft started Justice at 14. However the book was very violent. So I wrote in a hot rush. With no real clear direction. As I'd never undertaken a project quite so massive. So I pitched the idea to Hekate. She loved concept, I sent the 25K manuscript. I let it sit.

Then the itch hit me. I was writing screenplays and entering them into contests. But in my heart of hearts I've always wanted to write for television. My series of course. That's hard though. I'm older, in my late thirties, and I'm a woman. And they say Hollywood is a young man's game. But as I sat in my family's house (having moved back in around the GLADIATOR: The Gladiator Chronicles hit the virtual shelves in order to travel to festivals and cons and write with the hope of hitting on a book that would carry me to the top.) waiting for my ship to come in I realized if I wanted to write for t.v. I had best write me a television pilot first. That I could do.

While writing the pilot in October I made the discovery that Bella Morte the pilot was much better than the novella I had written. So enlisted the help of Grant Wilson in breaking in. He said he I needed a treatment. Now, my book synopses sizzle and sell. I can pitch verbally. I can pitch online. However, my treatments for film and television sucked outright. So I turned to showrunner and emmy winner Tom Sawyer for feedback. He gave me some blunt, but incredibly fantastic feedback. Invaluable where came to writing a treatment that looked like a treatment. And it was really good. I then turned to an anonymous but accomplished actor who gave me further feedback the revisions made the treatment great. It sizzled. It begged to be sold. Now to get someone to read it. I asked this actor if he liked what he saw would he kindly pass it along. But that if this was an imposition to ignore the request. He said if he liked the revisions he may pass it along. Now, that's not a yes, but it's a helluva lot better than no.

Having sharpened the vision of the television series, I now had a clearer idea of where to take my books. (And folks he got really excited when I mentioned the book deal.) Which of course in turn, got me excited.

Bella Morte: Beginnings introduces us to Justice Xavier, a member of an ancient group of mystics known only as the Order. They have risen in time of darkness to try and turn the tide of evil back from whence it came. She is believed to be the prophesied about child who will lead them all back into the light. The problem is, she doesn't want that on her. She's out for blood, plain and simple. The series is about her battle within whether to use her power to control the elements among other things for her destined purpose, or to let her soul consumed by her desire for revenge.

The book series is a solo effort, the television series is co-written  by me and Melissa Goodman. I will update you on the progress of series here and at its official website Bella Morte: The Series.

Until next time...